How I Talk Myself Out of True Freedom…and You Do Too
Just this week I decided to read The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. The book has traveled with me from Georgia, to Ohio, and now to Texas. I’ve looked at the introduction, read parts of it, recommended it, and even gone so far as to read the back cover summary to others encouraging them to read it. However, I hadn’t read it thoroughly. To me it is like hearing a saying when you are young and not being able to comprehend it. It doesn’t really make sense until you have lived or had experiences that open you up to understanding what the saying means. That is exactly how The Four Agreements occurs for me right now.
There are people who live by The Secret, and I have seen the movie, have the audio, and pass it on to my son too. Even with that there are things that must be said. As an athlete, you can train with only the skills you are given, but a different coach will see look from their perspective and give you pointers or fill in gaps in your development. The Four Agreements is another coach. Do I know to watch what I say? Yes. Do I know about “keeping my word”? Yes. Do I know what it is to be impeccable with my word? I thought I did. According to me it is like having integrity, right? Integrity means “adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty”. I get it, but that is not being impeccable.
1. faultless; flawless; irreproachable: impeccable manners.
2. not liable to sin; incapable of sin.
I had forgotten how powerful words are when spoken. I say that I know it, but it is different to live it from the heart, from the core. The only way things are created truly is by speaking. That is powerful. Everything around us has been created by it being spoken into existence. You may think that it was just a thought, however, that is a form of speaking. We speak to ourselves silently all the time. I do.Since I was in college, my habit has been to underline, star, highlight, and put arrows near things in books that are important or thought-provoking, this chapter has plenty of all of that going on – minus the highlighting. Ruiz wrote, “The word is force; it is the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create
the events in your life,” and
that our word is the most powerful tool we have as a human. In my speaking I have the chance to transform my existence, set myself free or enslave and curse myself. To curse myself is ludicrous, but I know I do it without realizing it. It’s unconscious, automatic, and sinful. Sinful
not in the religious way of speaking, but consider this thought. A sin
is going against a moral principle, a regrettable action, or a fault or offense and it is committed against you. Why would you damn yourself, blame yourself, hold yourself in low regard, speak ill about yourself, downplay who you are, and go against who you are? That is sinful and drains your life. To be impeccable is to take responsibility for your actions without judgement or blame and rejection of who you are. This perspective of being impeccable with my word leads me to life.
Words create life, being, energy, consciousness, and exuberance if we agree with the words spoken. I didn’t realize how much of a double edged sword that could be until I started thinking about the things that I say or have been said to me. If I agree with the negative things that are said I give them life too, by living as if they are true. If I agree with the positive things that are said I give them life too. It’s a matter of my agreement. Not the words that are actually said, but my agreement with them. For example, when I consult or coach I send a contract which is an agreement. Recently, a client sent the contract back with revisions. If I agree with the revisions, I initial and return for a signature. If not, we either have no agreement or we continue negotiating. If there is no agreement there is no contract. When something is or has been said to me or about me by someone else or I’ve said it, the power I have is to either agree or not. My agreement is a measure of love, believe it or not.To agree with something negative said about me would be to chip away at the love I have for myself. It’s an agreement to be in a prison that I have keys for while insisting others have taken them away. My agreement with any statement thatis contrary to who I am is a measure of self-love and
impeccability. How much I love myself can be easily measured by the quality and integrity of my word, and my actions. It is also a measure of how much I love others, but I’ll address that aspect another day. The only way to increase my experience of freedom, confidence, and love is to begin with changing my agreements. Agreements with myself about who others are and who I think I am. Those agreements that I’m not smart enough, old enough, young enough, have enough time, don’t have enough money, am not connected to enough people, live too far, love too much, don’t love enough, am not slim enough, my hair isn’t long enough or the right color, or I should have chosen some other path, and any other list of agreements. The true secret starts with transforming the agreements I have made with myself. That’s when the experience of true living, life, love, freedom, confidence, and love will be habitual, awakening the giant in you.”Be impeccable with your word. This is the first agreement that you should make if you want to be free, if you want to be happy, if you want to transcend the level of existence that is hell. It is very powerful. Use the word in the correct way. Use the word to share your love. Use white magic, beginning with yourself. Tell yourself how wonderful you are, how great you are. Tell yourself how much you love yourself. Use the word to break all those teeny tiny agreements that make you suffer.”