Here we go with another inspirational blog post, right? Not necessarily. I’m working on being transparent more than anything. I’m interested in actually sharing my life, the good, the bad, and the uglies (yes, plural).
Just a little over two weeks ago my son and I moved from Killeen, Texas, the home of Fort Hood, to Arlington, Texas. It wasn’t the easiest choice for a few reasons. My plan was to move somewhere by next summer because it would give me a chance to build my finances where I wanted them to be, pick up more contracts, and find a place. We’ve lived in Killeen since December 11, 2011. I remember it because we flew with 4 bags, two for each of us, from Cleveland to Austin. In May of this year I completed graduate school and was ready to jump into a new life. And, I just didn’t know it wold come this fast.
Yes, I knew I wanted to move. I had never really given Arlington a thought. In fact, my sight were set on San Antonio. My best friend, since 8- years old, lives here and I would visit intermittently, however, it was only one weekend with limited exposure to the city. To be honest I knew 4 places: Super Walmart, The Highlands, Aldi, and, my favorite fast food Mexican place, Taco Cabana. She’s wanted me to move for years so after a few conversations, I visited for 4 days with the express intention of seeing if it was a place I could see myself living, and it was. I went home in June thinking of how I might make it work, but not considering moving before the end of the year. It just so happened things lined up and made sense to have it happen in 2 months. As nervous, excited, anxious, and melancholy as I was I jumped.
Now that I’m here, all of two weeks, I feel overwhelmed and as if I have not gotten my land-legs. The feeling of overwhelm and even concern have me paralyzed at times. People who know me often think that I am resilient, a go-getter, and fearless. For most people who are determined and focused the feelings that come to the surface in quiet times are not the ones that are spoken in the open. “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players,” as Shakespeare stated, and it’s true. We spend time wearing masks on the stage of life. Sometimes we have to be willing to take the mask off for our well-being, to help others to see they are not alone, and transform the perception of life.
For me that transformation is beginning again. Last year I took on a 40 day water fast that changed my perspective of what I could do, helped me to focus, and changed my physical appearance drastically. It came on because I wanted to have something new. I was depressed, anxious, and overweight. The idea a fast has run through my mind this year, a few times. I completed a 14 day fast earlier this year, but now I feel like I need the focus, peace, and Being that can be brought on by a water fast. Two days ago I read a quote that stated something like “fasting is about how you are being, not what you are doing.” And I think that solidified what I need to implement: a sense of being rather than doing. And that’s not easy, it means that I need to relax and let thing be. It means letting things unfold, instead of having a “to do list”. It means allowing myself to be full expressed in very area. I do have goals and it will take transforming my life and being to accomplish them. Although “doing” is a part of the equation it is the “being” that allows things to get done. And so, let the Being commence.
By the time you read this I will have started, September 6. The goal is to complete 40 days, which would end on October 16th. It is a journey where I will allow my Being to dictate the end, but will not give into the urge to just grab that piece of fruit or buy that Naan bread (one of my favorites). I welcome questions while I’m on this journey. I will respond to comments, write about what fasting is and the benefits, the phases of fasting, how to end correctly, my specific goals for this journey, and the transformation I plan when it comes to eating after, and my experience in general. You are invited to go to my YouTube channel to see my videos from last year’s water fast.