LIFE CHART #2: That quote explains how I feel about the impending beginning of this doctoral program. Let me say, I always thought about a doctorate, but never thought I was smart enough. Heavens, I barely thought I was smart enough to get into a graduate program because of the entrance examination. That alone deterred me for 10 years, well not just that. Anyway, there is a list of things to work on, do, or take care of in this Life Lab. Due to that I wonder if I should have ever taken this on – and, I haven’t even read the first page of my text book yet.
As my list grows the more I know I have to be organized, deliberate, and focused. Ticey, a childhood friend of mine, has a little saying about being focused on being focused. That is what I have to remember. Last night, “overwhelm” was the word. And, waking this morning, it is the same. I am overwhelmed by it all. Not just the process, but the gap between the life I want and the one I recognize I have right now.
There is always the conversation about “breath”, step back, and more, but there is nothing that can change what I am facing. It feels like a tornado sucking everything into it – the eye of it never goes away. I only wish there was some way to stop it. It seems that the remedy truly is just to wait it out. Yet, that feels like ay to much. Can’t I just disappear for a little while someone takes care of the assessments, reports, emails, assignments, Mom stuff – my life?
Yes, this is that “entry”, the “OH HEAVENS! I FEEL LIKE I’M DROWNING,” one. And, yes, “this too will pass.” At the same time, I know that someone else is feeling it too. So, here is the coach in me for me and for you. Keep going. Communicate with others. Be alright with riding the wave. Feel the overwhelm. Cry or don’t, just do what works. Create a plan to manage it all. And, plan a day of self-care (sleep, shopping, ice cream, family time, hiking) whatever that is for you. Be water through it all. It will come, flow with it.
Today, I will be water. Complete these assessments with elementary school kids. Work on some reports. Read the chapter for this class and write my first assignment. Then, at some point sit outside.